Archive for February, 2002

incredible dumb luck (or: stuff and nonsense)

Sunday, February 24th, 2002

Explain to me how one can go to sleep at 4:30 in the morning and wake up at 8:45 that same morning, sans alarm clock ringing loudly. Or rather, explaing to me how not to do it. Gah! And obviously, had I gone back to sleep, I prob’ly would’ve rolled out of bed somewhere in the area of late this evening, considering how exhausted I was last night after walking up a hill and then stumbling down the other side and also chasing deer.

Anyhow, this week will suck. And by this week, I really just mean from now until Wednesday. After Wednesday, I don’t plan on doing anything that involves writing, reading, or thinking.

  

picture an empty cup in the middle of the sea (or: cross them for me)

Friday, February 22nd, 2002

This is supposed to be an essay about my educational goals and the ways in which the College Scholar Program will help me to achieve them. However, I can honestly say that I don’t currently have any educational goals, which raises quite a conundrum in relation to this essay. Suffice to say that I do aspire to a few general goals – I plan on graduating from college with a major (or maybe two or three and/or a couple of minors), probably going on to graduate school and eventually finding myself a pleasant job. But that’s just about as far as I can expound on that.

Now, when I say that I have no goals, it does not mean that I lack ambition; I just haven’t found the ability to concentrate it in one direction yet. I’m still looking for a purpose, penciling things into that goal book that is my head, actively pursuing whatever happens to be in that goal book; I’m just waiting for the right opportunity to trade in my pencil for a nice, comfy pen – one without an eraser – but I haven’t found what it is that I’m looking for.

For example, when I applied to Lehigh, I chose to go into the IBE Program, mostly because it appeared interesting at the time, it appeased others (notably my parents, who pay the bills) and I took pleasure in reading that it was “not for the squeamish – it’s intended for the University’s brightest students.” Yes, I planned on graduating with a major in finance and an extensive knowledge of engineering.

But a lot happened during the end of my senior year, and all of the sudden growing up and being a busi-gineer (growing up at all, for that matter) had lost all of its sparkle. By the time I arrived at Lehigh for summer registration, I had already made up my mind to transfer into the College of Arts & Sciences. I had no idea what to do with myself beyond that, but I was quite optimistic about the flexibility I’d have. Flexibility has lived up to the hype thus far, as I’ve penciled in majors in math, philosophy, and, most recently, urban studies, and then found that I’m not in love with these subjects.

And I think that it’s perfectly great to have no idea what I am doing with my life – it just seems to be a little early in life to be completely sure of the direction in which I am headed. I enjoy the spontaneity with which I can do things (whereas in the IBE program, I’d have something to the point of four electives spread over four years) and my lack of one fixed direction really allows me to go in all directions at once. The classes I’m currently taking will most likely be useless for whatever major(s) I finally choose, but they’re definitely making me more well-rounded.

This is how I think that the College Scholar Program will help me. I’ll still be able to take eighteen-plus credits a semester in a variety of subjects (thanks to being released from distribution requirements), host a radio show, edit photos for the Brown & White, and so on and so forth – all of the things that make me me.

Then, on some fateful day somewhere off in the future, I will realize what it is that I want to do. Something will just come up, hit me on the head, and say, “Tom, I am what you were put here for,” to which I will reply, “But of course!” (or something along that line, possibly (hopefully) more witty).

And then I will pick up that pen…

  

via kasia (or: dark, isn’t it?)

Thursday, February 21st, 2002

it’s funny how little physical contact is present on this campus (well, no, not *that* kind…). no one here touches. no one hugs. it’s an art, really. squeeze too hard and you lose your breath. not hard enough and you’re hugging a wet noodle. in high school my friends were very touchy. it’s important…. there was a study done a while ago on the necessity of human touch. maybe that’s why everyone on this campus seems like they die a little every day.

  

o moment, you are beautiful, last forever! (or: and so it is)

Thursday, February 21st, 2002

yes, you can stop holding your breath now

and i can smile again

-tommy

  

premonitions make me shudder (or: i would only fight in a war for artistic integrity)

Monday, February 18th, 2002

There was a lot of stuff to write about, but my thoughts are all over the damn place right now.

Press night was good-bad tonight.
Good: I have three pictures in the next paper, all of which Autumn was pleased with. I really showed her up today, so she promised to give me some crappy assignments. Also, I would’ve been a shoo-in for Photo of the Semester (which comes with a $100 gift certificate) had my camera not decided that it didn’t feel like shooting any faster than 1/90 of a second. Damn that little bit of blur.
Bad: Well, the only contact I had with Jessi was when she walked into me. And did not apologize. Oh, and Autumn did follow up on her threat and gave me a crappy lecture to shoot. Maybe something will come up so I can assign it to someone else.

What else?

I’m stoked about being home in twelve days, but not about my parents being assholes about me visiting friends at school. My car CAN be driven for more than fifteen miles at a time, thank you very much.

Actually, I miss home more than I did last semester, I think. Maybe just because, save for the first week-ish, this semester has been awful. So, here are some little things I miss:

my car
Krispy Kreme (actually, all of O’Fallon)
my car
my car
Creve Coeur Camera
sleeping in
my car

Yeah, okay, I was trying to think of some fun stuff, but I guess I’m too tired.

Oh!

the makeout spot
my car
nothing to do
piano
the fact that i can lock my door whenever i feel the need to

being 900 miles away from my life