i can't find the words

A great man died Thursday night.

Wesley Willis epitomized what rock ‘n’ roll was supposed to be about – he wanted to put on a good show, have a good time and enjoy what he did, and succeeded at all three. Sure, his songs may have all been reviews of concerts he’d seen and direct orders to fellate animals, sometimes with condiments involved, all barked over the demo track on a Technics KN-2000 keyboard, all verse-chorus-verse-chorus-verse-chorus-outro, but the man was earnest; he loved entertaining. It didn’t matter to him that a good deal of the people who saw his shows were having a laugh at his expense, because how often do you get to see a 300-lb homeless schizophrenic black man singing lyrics from a notebook he printed at Kinkos? No, he didn’t care about them, or the people who ignored him when he sold his CDs and drawings, because how often do you not steer away from the 300-lb homeless schizophrenic black man peddling his wares on the streets of Chicago?

I never got to see a Wesley Willis concert; the closest I came was the art exhibit in the pain chamber of Chicago, Illinois. I never got to bump heads with the man who inspired so many silly sing-alongs in Brodhead 410, who introduced a plethora of new phrases into my everyday vocabulary. His music may have been aesthetically awful, but Wesley Willis was a genius when it came to making people smile.

We’ll miss you, big buddy, keep on whipping that donkey’s ass.

In approximately two hours, I’ll be on the road to Lehigh. “The road” meaning Highway 70 for 700 miles, and then a couple of other highways for the rest of the trip. If I had known how much driving sucked, I’d've picked a closer school. Like Lindenwood.

Year-wise, I’m halfway done. Credit-wise, 113/121 of the way there. That’s too fast, I think. I’d like another six years, please. I need another six years, rather. I think I can spread out the credits for that long, just give me a chance.

Maybe this year will be more fun. Less credit hours. More concerts. No photo editing. NO PHOTO EDITING!

And Bethlehem is looking more and more attractive. The coffeeshops don’t close at 6 p.m. (4 on Sundays). The cops aren’t out in droves. My parents are not there. Free food is available.

Speaking of which, I’m going back with $700 less than I had last year. That’s a pretty good chunk of change to be missing. Of course, there’s always the chance that I’ll get onto Jeopardy! and win $50,000+ and never have the right to complain again.

Because if I win, I am SO going to some country where I can’t speak the language. And I’m taking you with me.

sebsational: back
pearljam1110: what is baby got?
sebsational: I’ll take mix-isms for four hundred
sebsational: (ideal profile exchange)

Please bear with me, as this may take a while.

Wednesday: I went to the Cardinals game with Allison. We had two extra tickets, so I scalped them (half-price) for food money — essentially, I was paying Allison to go to the baseball game with me. We may or may not have had a good time, I’m not really sure. She may claim to be an open book, but that’s no good if you (meaning I) don’t know which page to turn to. Also, the Cards lost, so that’s a horrible 0-2 record for games I’ve been to this year.

Afterward, we went to Lyon’s for some frozen custard. Surprisingly enough, Nick and Bob were there. We didn’t get into any trouble this time, though… well, I did, but only because I neglected to introduce Bob to Allison.

Thursday: There was apparently a Strongest Man Contest at the casino, and my dad’s company was apparently sponsoring one of the Strong Men. Thus, I got to eat lunch with someone who was 6’6″ and 330 lbs. I attempted (and failed) to shake his hand, which was something akin to shaking a ham. A honey-baked ham.

I cut out of “work” early because Sarah and I had a “date” at the Muny. She was at “work” when I called to see what the plan was, so I waited and “waited” and waited for her to call back. Just as I was about to give up and drive to Illinois to pick her up, she called to tell me that I didn’t have to drive to Illinois and pick her up. We met on Delmar and then she had me drive to some Thai restaurant on Grand. The papaya-and-tomato-salad-that-you-eat-with-rice-and-your-hands was definitely the highlight.

We got to the Muny just a few short minutes before South Pacific started, just enough time to discuss how far to the right our seats were. Seriously, if the Muny had been a political spectrum, Sarah would’ve been Strom Thurmond and I Jesse Helms. But the show more than made up for it, and my car didn’t get broken into, for once.

Friday: I started worrying about my Jeopardy! tryout. Seriously. Sure, I’m smart, but this is a game show we’re talkin’ about. So I hit the books (well, book) pretty hard. And then I got tired of that and hung out with Seb, which resulted in a milkshake, two bouncy balls and a jug of Beefamato.

Saturday: My mom and I drove out to Indianapolis for the test. I was very tempted to pay $6.95 to play Mario Kart 64 for an hour (what a fancy hotel, indeed), but I mostly read my trivia book. I did take a break to go to Borders and purchase some fine literature. And then I headed straight back to the hotel to finish up the last 100 pages of my book o’ facts. My head wanted to explode even more than that time I read a 1000-page, self-indulgent novel. It took hours to fall asleep.

Sunday: But I woke up on time, surprisingly. I went to the RCA Dome/Convention Center about 45 minutes early and sat in the hall. It was cold. I didn’t get nervous until one of the Jeopardy! people came out and started passing out our answer sheets for the test. But then he opened up a box of Jeopardy! pens, which were very exciting, and also blue. I swiped an extra one, as a consolation prize for Kristen. Then we were herded into the room for the test. I can’t really tell you anything (privacy policy, don’t you know it) other than that it was 50 questions long and I am fairly very certain that I got all 50 correct. I was surprised that only 11 out of the 50-60 people passed it — seriously, kids, it was an easy test. Then I got to have my picture taken (boo!), play a mock game with real Jeopardy! buzzers (yay!) and they gave me a T-shirt too (yay!). I’ll find out if they’ve selected me for the tournament in three or four weeks.

On the way home, I saw the saddest thing ever. There was a pretty awful accident on I-70 in Illinois, and people on a nearby overpass had actually stopped their cars on the side of the road so they could get out and gawk. Ugh.

Oh, and I got to play ultimate frisbee Sunday night. Tony was freshly back in town, so we had to play in his honor. It was a pretty brutal game, but more on that later.

Monday: I celebrated my extensive trivia knowledge by sleeping until 2 p.m. I met Tony at the mall and then we drove around looking for fun things to do. “Fun things to do” included going to Jack in the Box, where some four-year-old was singing Wham! We saw a movie, too, American Wedding, and I totally guilt tripped Allison on the phone. Also, a coyote was apparently on the loose in my neighborhood, as I learned from a sign that told me to keep an eye on my pets and children (in that order).

Tuesday: I managed to convince my mom that I needed a bunch of hip and cool new things for school, so we went to (take a deep breath) OldNavyMarshall’sOrganizedLivingBordersandWholeFoods. (Gasp.) I even accomplished some Christmas shopping (whoa, just typed “Christen shopping,” but that’s not too far from the truth), and may have outdone last year’s spectacular efforts.

Okay, back to the rough game of ultimate frisbee. There was one play where Bernie and I sort of ran into each other and he accidentally tried to impale my chest with his elbow. It hurt a little then, but I shook it off. Yesterday, it hurt a little more, but it was bearable. Today, however… oh man. It hurts to take a deep breath/sing/yawn/breathe normally/run/sit, et cetera. My guess is a somewhat fractured rib, which sucks, because I am usually right about such things.

And now I’m done. Hurrah.

Dearest Kristen,

I received your package the other day, and was quite impressed with your gift-giving skills. I was contemplating going to Borders the other day to buy some books, since I’ve read everything in the house, and those two were at the top of the list. (I didn’t go because Joe Lyons blackmailed me and now I am poor.) Have you read them already? If not, I guess you can borrow them in a couple of weeks, along with that Beulah CD and anything else I decide you need between now and then.

Like this “cultural literacy” book I am studying. I just now thought of that. You will need to study it for your Jeopardy! tryout, because there’s no way I’m letting you miss that opportunity (unless it means we’ll be competing against one another, because you might beat me).

Also, thank you for the Swedish Fish® – I hadn’t eaten any all summer. My dogs also got a kick out of them; Fenway especially, as he got one stuck to the roof of his mouth and spent a good five minutes trying to get it loose. Hershey had no such problems, but was upset that I only gave him two fish.

As far as concert-ing goes, of course I am down for that, although I may need to find a corporate sponsor to counter my current poorness. I don’t know who’s touring this fall, but we’ll have to sit down with a calendar one night and work out a schedule.

Anyway, I’ve got to run – big date to get ready for, you know.

-T