i can't find the words

Everyone has heard horror stories involving antagonistic music clubs taking advantage of helpless consumers. I recently decided to investigate this phenomenon, armed with only a pen and a debit card. Although the BMG Music Service is the last online bastion of the “Order now and we’ll bill you” philosophy, I paid up front.

What follows is a fact-based account of my experience.

Jan. 25, 1:25 a.m. — While browsing the BMG Web site, a friend and I realize she’ll get vouchers for five CDs if she refers me and I sign up. She promises one of these to me, but what ultimately convinces me to join are the incredibly low prices on box sets; I’ve been coveting the Velvet Underground’s “Peel Slowly and See” for some time. She submits my e-mail address and I assume I’m set.

Jan. 25, 11:49 a.m. — My inbox is so empty it’s depressing. Although I had expected an immediate e-mail telling me to join, now I’m just hoping I get an e-mail, period, because otherwise I’ll probably lose my modicum of faith in music clubs.

Jan. 26, 7:01 p.m. — The e-mail arrives. Fearing it’s a trick, or, worse, that the hyperlink is only going to work for five minutes before self-destructing, I sign up immediately. I get to pick seven free CDs, so I decide to fill some holes in my collection. After selecting albums by Bob Dylan, The Beach Boys and The Clash, I ascertain that BMG’s selection is limited, and that new members can’t access everything. Choosing seven CDs becomes a hassle until I remember I need Radiohead’s “The Bends.” My order isn’t entirely free, of course; there’s a $2.79 shipping and handling charge for each disc, but I’m still getting a bargain.

Jan. 29, 12:41 p.m. — I log in to check on my order because I haven’t received a confirmation e-mail yet. I learn that my debit card hasn’t been approved yet, so my registration is pending. I change my music preference to tropical, which in turn changes the company’s name to Ritmo y Pasión, a club for fans of Latin music. The home page is now plastered with palm trees, Javiers and albums offering every type of fiesta, from salsa to merengue.

Feb. 2, 10:12 p.m. — There’s no word on my order, so I log in to get a phone number for customer service. Unfortun-ately, this is all for naught, as my membership is still being processed, which prevents me from contacting customer service.

Feb. 5, 2:57 p.m. — Bored, I pay a visit to the BMG site and am excited to learn that my debit card was confirmed the previous day and my order has shipped.

Feb. 12, 2:54 p.m. — Much like my Hotmail inbox more than two weeks earlier, my campus mailbox is a barren wasteland. I go ahead and order the Velvet Underground box set; the $29.99 price tag is too tempting to avoid. (By comparison, Amazon.com sells the set for $53.99.) BMG tosses on a $10.75 shipping and handling fee because — get this — the $2.75 charge applies to each CD in the box. That’s right, it applies to discs that can be neither shipped nor handled individually.

Feb. 13, 12:20 p.m. — I receive my first featured selection e-mail, the electronic version of the trick that’s kept BMG in the black for more than 50 years. Instead of having to wait for an unwanted album to arrive and then rushing to send it back, the e-mail notification only requires a few clicks. The CD is a David Bowie compilation (as a tropical music enthusiast, I anticipated something spicier) and the option to decline it does not work. I go to the Web site and try to cancel it there, but all I see is a message telling me to check back later.

Feb. 17, 3:02 p.m. — I’m nonplussed by a new e-mail explaining that my first order has just shipped, when it had supposedly been sent 12 days earlier.

Feb. 19, 10:37 a.m. — A quick stop at the Ulrich Student Center before class proves worthwhile when I discover a pink slip hiding in my mailbox and exchange it for a package containing my free CDs.

Feb. 19, 12:52 p.m. — I somehow contain my excitement and wait until after lunch to open the box. The CDs are all there; I half-expected to find somebody else’s order. Then, two words on the box catch my attention: media mail. Anyone who’s sold a textbook on Half.com knows that media mail is by far the cheapest way to post anything. The people at BMG must have learned this too, and then figured out they could make a fortune overcharging for shipping. A visit to the U.S. Postal Service Web site confirms my suspicion — the package, weighing in at just under 2 pounds, cost a mere $1.84 to send.

Some might argue that the remaining $18-plus was a handling charge, but I doubt that the people working in the music club mailroom are that overpaid and/or incompetent. The information on the Postal Service site also states that media mail cannot contain advertising. Needless to say, I am shocked when an envelope full of glossy adverts for tacky checks and Homer Simpson decorative lights falls out of the box. One can only imagine the horror that comes with discovering that a reputable company has resorted to juvenile business practices.

Feb. 19, 2:13 p.m. — The CDs, which had been lost in the shuffle, are recovered, opened and enjoyed.

While I did not procure any of those nifty little stamps the club utilized before the Internet boom, the general shadiness of the BMG operation has a charm all of its own. With that in mind, joining such a club is a good means of getting cheap CDs, provided you don’t mind waiting.

When Joe Sterrett, chair of the Greek Life Task Force, sent the latest e-mail detailing the recommendations from the task force’s report to strengthen Greek life, most of the information probably went over the heads of those non-Greeks who chose to read it.

To be honest, the implications of these proposed actions were lost on many of us at The Brown and White. But we’ve done our research and can now explain the most important issues covered in the report. Even though the majority of students at Lehigh are not in fraternities or sororities, Greek life is an intrinsic part of the school’s tradition and should be preserved as such.

The task force proposed delaying fraternity rush one semester, putting it in the spring of most rushees’ freshman years. Not allowing fall fraternity rush would give freshmen more time to settle into college life, and would prevent the pressure associated with rushing a fraternity from adding to the stress most students experience in their first months away from home.

On the other hand, the task force endorses moving fraternity and sorority officer elections to an academic year cycle, a big change from the calendar year cycle already in effect at most Greek organizations. Coupled with the proposed spring rush, this would cause rising sophomores to run for offices concurrently with the rush process, meaning they would not have lived in their houses. This lack of hands-on knowledge could prevent potential officers from taking the elections seriously. Also, an academic year cycle would force seniors to serve burdensome positions during their last semester at Lehigh, a time when they’ll be focused on hunting for jobs and planning their futures.

Also mentioned in the report is the creation of a “life skills education” course of study, a required program for first- and second-year students. Not to toot our own horn, but The Brown and White’s Feb. 3 editorial calls for the very same thing — a class that prepare students for life outside of the oh-so-comfortable Lehigh bubble.

One of the more interesting proposals is for a 24-hour diner located on campus. Although a diner of this sort would likely not have the same kitschiness, the same retro appeal as its off-campus counterparts, it would certainly be a welcome, nonalcoholic addition to a school known for its drinking problem.

Another of the task force’s main concerns was the cleanliness of houses on the Hill. The report proposes that clearly defined maintenance standards should be set, and that chapter houses that do not meet these standards will be charged for cleaning services. Also mentioned in the report are the guidelines that Greek life coordinators should follow — that they should serve as points of contact for all chapter issues, including anything maintenance-related. It’s obvious that these coordinators should then also advise the Greek students on these matters so that cleanliness standards are met.

The report calls for fraternities and sororities to meet a 90 percent member occupancy level in order to retain the privilege of leasing chapter housing from the university. This appears to be a good move, as students who are only moderately interested in Greek life would not rush, knowing they would be forced to live in chapter houses.

But occupancy rates are a good measure of how well each individual Greek organization is doing its job. Those with empty houses are the ones who embarrass their alumni by coming off as monkey-headed morons living in squalor, while the houses forced to triple up roommates must be doing something right. Because in the end, the strength of Lehigh’s Greek system is solely dependent upon its members.

I am called Tom and I been a student in Lehigh University. It does five semesters that study here. I have blue eyes and brown hair and wave. It does not enchant to me to shave to me in all, thus I have a beard sometimes.

This semester, Spanish course, economy and journalism. Also, I have lessons of piano and guitar and to help the professor of journalistic ethics.

Tuesdays and Thursday I have the class of economy of sports. Me it fascinates it, but professor Munley teaches for a long time and the examinations are very. Mondays, Wednesday and Friday I have ethics and Spanish. Also Wednesdays I have the journalism class. Much concerns me, but I would like to be an editor and she is it for reporters. I am going to write a very long article for the class, but I do not want to investigate it.

Alive in the floor fourth of Brodhead Hall with my friends They are, Touhid and Bilal. Also I have a turtle, is called Bling. I must clean its aquarium more frequently, but it bothers to him when I clear it of the aquarium. My roommates are amused and intelligent. We played the video games constantly, specially Mario Kart. We had lunch and always we had supper in the cafeteria of down, although the food is without inspiration.

Twice every week, I go to Coppee Hall to work in The Brown and White. I write the editorial nonsigned for each edition. It wanted to do this as a work after I graduate.

In the week ends, I like to read much. Also I like to go to the cinema or Borders. Thursdays and Friday I work in Jazzman’s coffee.

This Friday, feel free to pick up a free cookie. You won’t have to hike to Subway, because the Women’s Center is handing them out as a part of Healthy Body Image (née Eating Disorder Awareness) Week. The only catch is that you’ll have to sign a declaration relinquishing your right to feel guilty about eating said cookie.

The obvious reason for this is that having a healthy body image entails not worrying about a few extra grams of fat here and there. It’s a cute idea founded on good intent. And, we would hope, delicious chocolate chips.

But how awful is society if we’re apparently racked with guilt for every Famous Amos and Oreo we shovel into our stomachs? And how bad does it look when an advertisement for one of the candidates in a class of 2006 date auction boasts of his culinary prowess, “And ladies, he’ll even take the calories out for you”?

The Women’s Center was smart to rename the week — scores of people spend their days agonizing over every last calorie but won’t label themselves with a word as dirty as “disorder.” An unhealthy body image is a little easier to own up to — many people claim to be dieting when they obviously don’t need to — so the week’s events should be met with some semblance of student support.

After the week is over, however, dorm room trash cans will be full of informational pamphlets and, more importantly, discarded candy wrappers and Yoo-hoo bottles. With Healthy Body Image Week finished, everyone will begin to observe Unhealthy Body Image 51 Weeks, a period of time long enough that no seven days of lectures and programs could hope to undo its damage.

The main problem with promoting healthy body image is that commercialized diets have instilled in the masses the idea that anyone can suffer through two weeks of unsatisfactory eating and, presto, be skinny and beautiful. Thus we have an alarming number of college students who start the South Beach Diet a fortnight before their spring breaks in (where else?) sunny South Beach, only to spend their vacations stuffing their faces with insalubrious dishes in between the beer funnels and body shots. Despite what the commercials may say, healthy eating is a year-round commitment.

Let’s not forget that a diet is defined as what someone consistently eats; those who revert to old eating habits after dropping a few pounds just make the hop from Sugar Busters to Sugar Overkill, a plan guaranteed to negate all of the lost weight.

The burden of staying in good shape falls on individuals — if you want to eat nothing but ice cream and understand the consequences, so be it — but the university has ample opportunity to assist and encourage the campus population in the never-ending quest for good health. With veritable monopoly power over what food is served at on-campus establishments, it can’t be hard for the administration to ensure that students who want to take care of themselves are able to do so.

Instead, the most drastic measure taken is a “low-carb option” highlighted on each dining hall’s menu. As the vegetarians on campus are wont to complain, non-meat entrées are rare (and generally bland) while heavy emphasis seems to be placed on fattier products. Pandinis, for example, offers a “Cheeseburger Labretti” — quite possibly the embodiment of a heart attack.

And, finally, why are this week’s programs nearly solely aimed at women? Sure, there’s one male body image discussion at the University Center, but most everything else takes place at the Women’s Center. Although women are stereotyped as the only people with body image issues, many men have similar problems, and they’re not going to be enticed by events held in a place they regard with the same mix of fear and wonder as the ladies’ room.

a) Sorry, haven’t been writing much b/c have been busy w/ other things. Mostly write arm off at press night and then am too tired to do it any more.

b) Dropped reporting. Huge weight off shoulders. Didn’t want to do it anyway.

c) Have an internship, in an ugly creme-colored cube in a weird part of town. Will not be paid, or glamorous, but will at least be in S. Bethlehem. Am still going to Youngstown to pick up car, need something to do due to lack of other plans.

d) Realized am a crappy friend. Too mopey all the time. Need to fix that. No one could enjoy spending time w/. Obviously.