I found this in the March 27 New Yorker, in Fear Factor, an article about how Bill O’Reilly is now in his baroque period (apparently placing him in the company of Bernini, Caravaggio and J.S. Bach). Best passage: the digression on Stephen Colbert and The Colbert Report. Anyway, the article also touches upon his journalistic past, and … well:
Wow, Papa Bear O’Reilly, you certainly were onto something big!
I’d stop short of saying that March is a great month, but it is certainly a good month for money. It is a three-paycheck month. It is an income-tax-refund month. It is a TiVo-refund month. Heck, it is even a sell-some-crap-online-and-make-a-few-quick-bucks month. The first paycheck and a quarter took care of all my bills and necessities, so right now I am sleeping on stacks of dollar bills that I recount every day.
The extra cash is nice. I’d like to buy myself nice things, and maybe I can get a little something for the turtles too (Scooter has been asking for some bling — maybe some grillz — and Bling would like a scooter so he can cavort with the ladies more easily). But seriously, how is one supposed to waste money well? I am totally bad at it. The only really good thing I bought is a plane ticket to St. Louis. So please give me more ideas.
(Incidentally, if you live in or near Albany, Albuquerque, Austin, Baltimore, Birmingham, Boston, Buffalo, Chicago, Cleveland, Columbus, Detroit, El Paso, Hartford, Houston, Indianapolis, Kansas City, Louisville, Nashville, New Orleans, Norfolk, Omaha, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Providence, Raleigh, San Antonio, St. Louis or Washington, April 25 to June 15 would be a good time to visit me. Except for May 3 to 10, because that’s when I’ll be on holiday in the frigid Midwest. Act fast; supplies are limited.)
Thoughts on some reality programming:
Deal or No Deal: It’s compelling enough for the first episode you see, but I don’t think it has any staying power. Every show is the same thing (albeit with the numbers selected in a different order), so the interestingness hinges on the players and Howie Mandel. Mandel tries his darndest to keep the drama to a maximum, but he can’t compare with heyday Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? And the players are so predictable — either “Yay, I could still win lots of money!” or “Oh no, my dreams have been dashed!” You could probably watch this on fast-forward and enjoy it just as much in half the time. Also, how do they calculate the amount of money for the deal? Sometimes it’s well above the player’s expected return (total prize money left divided by number of briefcases); other times it’s way below. I don’t get it.
Unan1mous: First off, using a numeral in the middle of a word is stupid (see Se7en, Numb3rs). Secondly, nine strangers are never going to agree to give one person all of the money. People are too stubborn for that sort of thing, never mind that there’s $1.5 million on the line. So they’ll bicker and the prize will keep dropping until it’s $0 and we’ll all have a good laugh at them. I suppose Fox is counting on that being entertaining enough for the masses.
The Amazing Race: This is the reality show I want to be on! All of the globetrotting and doing crazy tasks and bickering and being confused by other languages is awesome! Seriously, I just need a teammate for whenever the next tryouts are. Feel free to apply, just make sure we have some sort of label to explain our relationship — “married with 11 kids” is probably out of the question, but “college roommates,” “attractive single friends” and “boy and his pet turtle” are options.
American Idol: Really, what’s not to love about Taylor Hicks?
Today I went to the St. Augustine Alligator Farm! I still have all of my fingers and several of my toes.
I suppose it’s possible that you, dear reader, have some sort of alligator pit near you, but let’s face it: The farm in historic St. Augustine is the only one in the world with all 23 species of crocodilians. Rock! Feel free to visit me and we can go on an educational field trip to this wondrous menagerie.
More pictures are over here. Also, here is a video of an alligator eating some sort of meat:
Holy crap! Lizard Friend came back! He hung out on the chair and watched Gilmore Girls with me!
