Look, Scooter is now a celebrity thanks to the Jacksonville Humane Society calendar:
Bonus points: May is the month with the staples, which makes Scooter the CENTERFOLD. Ladies (and genermen) be knockin’ down his door already!
I have been a Publix shopper for the past year. It’s certainly no Trader Joe’s or Wegmans — and it lacks a lovable dinosaur mascot — so why do I go there? Simple. It’s an easy walk! Look:
Only a few short blocks!
But let’s not slight Publix too much. Its food selection is quite good, and its store-brand products rate well with my tummy. My fridge is always full of delicious things.
Lots of ice-cream toppings, juices, tea, some pasta, hummus and, oh!, rows of single-serving snacks. Perfect for when I need something at work — applesauce, of course, and two kinds of pudding and, well, yogurt. What flavors are those, anyway? An orangey one, something tropical and umm. … What the hell is that other one?
Baked potato?
Oh. Sour cream. Strange that Publix would use the same containers for such different types of dairy products. Let’s hope they’re not too close to each other in the refrigerator case! I mean, all sorts of problems could ensue. Like maybe someone might accidentally grab a sour cream, thinking it was yogurt, and keep it with all his other yogurts. And then maybe he would wake up in the middle of the night and want a snack.
And maybe he normally wears glasses, but maybe he’s not wearing them at that moment because he was just in bed. And he’s probably sleepy anyway; he’s headed back to bed after the snack, you know.
Oh god.
But wait, let’s go back one picture and eliminate the potato topping:
PLAYOFF BEARD!