whither bill marsh?
Thursday, May 10th, 2007Seriously, someone in the New York Times graphics department and I need to get married:
Archive for May, 2007
a lesson in how to do it
Wednesday, May 9th, 2007Lonesome George, apparently the world’s most famous tortoise, may not be the last of his species. This is a good thing — the New York Times graphics department has captured the big guy’s emotional state thusly:
Anyway, those wacky scientists think they might be able to find a suitable female so that he can engage in some hot sweaty turtle action and make some baby Pinta tortoises to extend the species’ time on the planet.
But wait! Poor George has suffered from performance anxiety in the past, so no one’s certain he’ll be able to seal the deal. So the plan is to get him ready, perhaps using a human to stimulate him, or maybe by having him watch turtle porn.
This, of course, is where Bling has offered his services. As you may already know (especially if you’re a young woman), Bling has a way with the ladies. As in, they all want him. What you don’t know, however, is that he has his own line of instructional mating videos. Most of them are too graphic for mass consumption, but here’s a clip from his very first film, Mounting Inanimate Objects:
Note: Bling starred in this film when he was only 4 months old (!), so it may be child-turtle porn, depending on where you live.