Resist the gift
Let me be the first to influence your opinion about putting a café in Linderman Library.
Well, maybe I’m not the first person to broach this subject, but I can tell you in simple, unequivocal language that the senior class gift is a recipe for disaster. I’m like that nonexistent politician, the one who doesn’t espouse a horrid platform (i.e., the senior class officers) or a stance that attempts to stay moderate by arguing both sides (i.e., The Brown and White’s Sept. 14 editorial).
This café — an abomination disguised as “progress” — will destroy the atmosphere in Linderman, despite what the talking press releases we affectionately call class officers will try to tell you. Here’s why:
Coffee-making is a noisy process, and relegating it to the rotunda’s basement won’t solve much. There are brewers, espresso grinders and the espresso machine, along with its milk wands. There are blenders, a cash register and, occasionally, metal things being dropped. Together, these things make a lot of noise.
The customers are definitely part of this ugly picture. The café will become a hotspot for people too social to work and too lazy to walk down to town, once the polo-wearing masses discover the 126-year-old treasure they’ve never stepped foot in before. But they won’t be studying, oh no. They’ll be spilling drinks and sugar, leaving trash all over the place and, yes, making noise.
Think about Linderman as it is. The rotunda, including, no, especially, the basement, is the best spot on campus to go when you need to hide, whether you need to study or just be antisocial. The café will ruin that. There will be people, noise and noisy people, and the resulting mess will sully a sacred location.
On Sept. 27, the class officers held a meeting with the expressed purpose of allowing seniors to voice their concerns about the class gift, and yet no one showed up. No one, including myself, had the fortitude to go and complain. I have an excuse, though: I was working that night, at a café of sorts — Jazzman’s.
As a moderately faithful barista for the past two years, I am able to tell you about the horrors of a coffee shop because I am subjected to them for 20-plus hours every week. I’m not just spouting nonsense; I likely have more coffee-shop experience than anyone involved in the project. So when someone implies that a café will not change the feel of Linderman, well, that’s just delusional.
The other thing I can tell you is that the café will not be a lovely bohemian refuge. You will not get a De’ja Brew. You will not get a Northern Lights Coffee. You will not get an Analise’s Hava Java.
What you will get is Sodexho. Sodexho is the Yankees to dining service’s Pedro Martinez, and Jazzman’s is the corporate monster’s new darling: Expect a mini-quasi-Starbucks in your beloved library. Though I’m on the payroll, I won’t deny that Jazzman’s has no soul. From the purplish, faux-modern décor to the paper cups to the god-awful uniforms, there is nothing (save for the employees) endearing about that store. The only times the place livens up a bit are when I attempt to a) juggle unfortunate food products and b) overthrow the “jazz” music with my iPod.
So, seniors, is a library-desecrating Jazzman’s the legacy you want to leave? I’m willing to bet it’s not.
I think the class officers know this, too. Though they remain outwardly optimistic about their goal of 100 percent participation, the $150,000 total they want is in fact equal to the full donations of 500 students — roughly 40 percent of the senior class. That doesn’t demonstrate much confidence in the class’s enthusiasm for this project. Nor should it; I’d donate negative dollars if I could.
I’m going to end this by imploring those of you in the senior class to keep your $5 pledges and save the money for groceries or thrifting. Don’t patronize something you don’t believe in just because it’s tradition; let the officers know your sentiments by refusing them the funding they’d like to wheedle out of you. And if you still feel the desire to hand out dollar bills, why not give them to me? I can promise you that I will never put a café in that hallowed building, and that’s a cause worth supporting.
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