i am i am like an onion.

please do not underestimate me, for if you do, you will have missed so much.

there is a lot about me that i don't like to share and i have my reasons. don't ask about those. sometimes words fail me. i try to speak and they get jumbled for no reason. it makes my speech cautious, at times. yet i talk all the time about meaningless things, just so i won't have to talk about what really matters. the things that never pass my lips are the things i feel most deeply. watch my eyes, they will tell you what you need to know. watch my smile. it will give away even more.

sometimes my heart feels like it is going to burst because of all the love it has welled up inside. i cannot begin to describe my capacity to love. do not confuse it with me being in love -- it is not the same. i can love someone completely and unconditionally without ever slipping into that moment. there was a time in my life where i felt safe and warm inside the arms of strangers because they would speak gently to me, and wipe the tears from my face. i am just passing on what they taught me.

i get overwhelmed by people the first time. i am an observer until i am comfortable. some people misinterpret this -- they think i am being aloof. but i watch everything so closely that there isn't time for me to be involved.

i think that i make people uneasy at times. some have seen me as intimidating and they were not afraid to share this with me. this troubles me greatly, even though much time has passed.

ever greater than my capacity to love is my capacity to forgive. sometimes i do it when i know i shouldn't, but i do it anyway. my compassion is nearly saintly. i remember The Lord's Prayer even though i don't consider myself Christian.

forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

and lead us not into temptation.

my willpower can be, at times, iron strong.

i like the metallic taste of my blood when i accidentally scratch a scab off. i like the smell of gasoline even though prolonged exposure causes cancer. i like to wake up early in the morning and listen to the sound of a thunderstorm in the distance. i like to sleep with my hat on because i like how it makes my hair look the morning after.

i have been asleep.

i am starting to wake up.

i am like an onion -- layer of cells upon layers of cells. i am waiting for someone to peel me apart.




she, too, is like an onion.

she is a tasty addition to the pizza that is life, but i regret it when i ask for her too much.

and she makes me cry.

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